EFT & Marriage

Marriage is that psychosocial arrangement we all enter into with happiness and bliss, isn’t it? Normally, it all works great until we learn way too much about our spouse; leaving us with feelings of what in the world did I get myself into. I suspect there are few people in a married or committed relationships that don’t at one time or another wonder what happened to make it all go so very wrong. Well, I’m here to tell you from first-hand experience there is hope! I’m going to make this story very personal, with permission from my husband Brad. I opened up, making myself a bit vulnerable, while in NYC helping with EFTU Level 1 and 2 classes. I’m going to do the same here.

Both Brad & I came from nasty childhoods, dealing with episodes and incidences no child should have to ever endure. It was this early abuse that actually brought us together. I know, for me, I figured it would draw us together, as we both would surely instinctively understand where the other had come from. This was all pre-EFT and I have since seen and well understood how very wrong we both were!

As the years progressed, the relationship became more embattled. I now see what exactly went on. I married a man just like my parents. Oh, he didn’t resemble anything they actually did, nor were the external behaviors even remotely similar, but his style of dealing with life’s ups and downs surely was. Denial was his best defense. If one ignores it all, it all will go away. No matter how many ways I explained to him what I needed in the relationship, nothing changed. And then I caught myself nitpicking just like Mom did to me. Nothing Brad did was good enough. The downhill slide had begun in earnest. We raised his two sons from a first marriage in our house. The boys’ mother was still involved. The tension from that was on. Then about ten years ago Brad was laid off from his engineering job permanently; the company closed. Now, we had 24/7 together.

The problems really started. It was too much time spent in each other’s company. I had plenty to nitpick about now. It wasn’t too long until we were literally fighting every day. It soon led to nothing but fighting. I, as a RN, had no idea how to stop it. I was a depressed, embittered, angry, crying, lashing out woman. My Dad’s words of, “No man will ever put up with you for long,” rang hourly in my ears. I was going to lose my marriage and Dad would be right. What was I going to do? I’m sure Brad felt the same way. Were two women going to walk out on him? At the Eleventh Hour, God provided. Emotional Freedom Techniques walked into our lives! I hired, without Brad’s permission, an EFT practitioner to work through his hatred for his parents. He never believed me when I told him he hated his parents; he does believe me now. Hatred eats us up. It burns holes in everything and everyone around us. It supersedes and melts any love that existed. Nothing survives in its wake. It’s impossible.

I hired my own EFT coach, too. I took EFTU’s Level 1 and 2 classes. What I want now to tell all of you readers is this: Please don’t give up on your marriage. Divorce costs big money, discounting the emotional pain involved, too. My best advice to you based on personal experience. Convince your spouse to take EFTU Levels 1 and 2 classes together.

Seriously, work on your own issues. Your spouse is not the problem. The problem is you. You aren’t a bad person! Your background and cognitive childhood learning has led you to the specific person who triggers you. You have attracted what you know. But there is hope! Work through all those childhood personal issues.

Free yourself to be the person you know you can be and in that process watch your marriage heal. It can work unilaterally, but it works even better when both of you are willing to use EFT on your own stuff!

 Today, I stand amazed to say our marriage is mostly healed. Yes, it worked that well. It’s taken a few years of a lot of tapping on both our parts, but we are stronger and healthier than I ever imagined. My Dad is NOT going to be right this time around! Oh, we have our moments. For heaven’s sake, we are still married! Now, we stop and tap before either of us says something stupid that we will regret later. It usually tends to be one of us starts tapping right in front of the other. We’ve made a commitment not to get angry about that, but to take it as an act of love for the other. And, it is. Hurtful things don’t tend to come out of the mouth of someone tapping. We then both go to our respective tapping places in the house, tap away what is going on INSIDE each of us, not the other person, and come back sometimes to talk about it, but many times all the tension simply dissolves, and we go on our merry way finishing up the day’s activities.

These fights and arguments have nothing to do with us. Really, you might ask. The triggering mechanisms behind them are all those perceptions and ideas we picked up from our parents, grandparents, neighbors, aunts and uncles. Those run our lives and our marriages. Tap them away; save your marriage. Give your children the greatest gift on earth – parents who love each and act like they do! About $1500 for EFTU classes with a certified trained instructor is cheaper than any attorney on planet Earth, or marriage counselor, for that matter. Oh, we tried all the conventional marriage counselor routes with no improvement in our relationship.

I highly recommend trying EFT. Go the EFTU “EFT Training” page and sign up for classes today and watch your marriage heal before your eyes. Hire a certified EFTU practitioner, if your issues are difficult or heavy. You can find them under “EFT Resources” tab. You’ll be surprised how well EFT works. I know Brad and I were!

 For more information, go to www.eftforchristians.com To schedule a free EFT consultation coaching session, email me at eftforchristians@gmail.com

Always remember to take complete responsibility for your own health and well-being.

Sherrrie Rice Smith, R.N. (Retired)
EFTforChristians.com
Author of EFT for Christians

Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

“The expressed acknowledged sin has lost all its power. It has been revealed and judged as sin. A person is no longer alone with his evil for he has cast off his sin in confession and handed it over to God” Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Wow, that is a mouthful, isn’t it, for a Christian?  James 5:16 says something similar – “Hence, declare your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may find healing”, another version reads, “So always tell each other the wrong things you have done. Then pray for each other. Do this so that God can heal you. Anyone who lives the way God wants can pray, and great things will happen”. Proverbs 28:13 reads, "He who conceals his sins prospers not, but he who confesses and forsakes them obtains mercy". And, of course, we have those wonderful verses in Psalm 103, “He pardons all your iniquities, He heals all your ills. He redeems your life from destruction; He crowns you with kindness and compassion. He fills your lifetime with good; your youth is renewed like an eagle’s”. And finally, Psalm 103 verse 12 reads, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He put our transgressions from us”. 

“Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a theologian, martyr, a spiritual writer, a musician, a pastor, and an author of poetry and fiction. The integrity of his Christian faith and life, and the international appeal of his writings, have received broad recognition and admiration, all of which has led to a consensus that he is one of the theologians of his time whose theological reflections might lead future generations of Christians into creating a new more spiritual and responsible millennium. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German theologian famous for his stand against Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party. His beliefs and convictions ultimately cost him his life in a Nazi concentration camp. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was one of the most famous theologians and martyrs of the 20th century”.  http://www.dbonhoeffer.org/

So, what does this mean to us Christian Emotional Freedom Techniques users? Rev. Bonhoeffer was an amazing example to us. He stood up for what he felt was the moral thing to do. He loved integrity. He obviously loved his Savior, too, as he died for his Christian beliefs. I believe us EFT followers need to help create a “new more spiritual and responsible millennium”, too. We need to open our hearts to understanding the emotional plight of humankind. EFT has an enormous capacity to heal. It heals both emotionally and physically, as God wills.

But, I think, it needs to go even deeper than that. EFT, if allowed, can heal spiritually, too. We need to take the admonition of those Scriptures I typed out in that first paragraph to heart. We need to help cleanse each other from those sins and the consequences of those sins. How many of us are carrying around guilt, resentment, hatred, remorse, etc. from the countless ill fated, irresponsible things we have done? I know that I am guilty.

Through EFT, we have a chance to confess those sins to each other, and then help the transgressor tap away the emotional impact of that sin, allowing him/her to once again feel the peace that a complete relationship with our God brings. God is faithful to forgive us, but we first need come to Him in confession. He wants us back into His fold & He wants us whole, so we can be a servant to others.

He also has given us an amazing gift in EFT. After we have confessed our sin, by tapping, we can also cleanse our soul of the leftover emotions brought on by that sin.  God is faithful to remove that garbage, too.  Some people like hanging onto the remorse or guilt, as they feel it will remind them never to do the sin again. I honor and respect that, if that is their desire.  As for me, I knew when I had learned my lesson & I was ready to have the emotional consequences of my sins removed & taken from me. I don’t plan to forget any of that pain anytime soon. There are other times when our emotions are actually the result of the sin of others. We need those repercussions removed to, in order to restore a right relationship with God.

Often, the repercussions themselves, those resulting from the sin of another, become sin to us. We harbor resentment or anger or even hatred for the person who messed with us. Those sins also need to be confessed and the resulting emotional feedback tapped away. Once we lock ourselves into that trap of feeling sorry for ourselves, it is a long and difficult road back. I know, for a fact, that EFT can eliminate that road, if we choose wisely.

I, as an EFT practitioner, have had the privilege of doing just what I have discussed here. I have heard stories from Christian clients who tell me they have never “told a soul about” thus and such incident. At that point, I will ask if that sin has been confessed. If it has, that is wonderful. If it hasn’t, I invite the client, with my help, to do so right there on the spot, while we tap.

Spiritually, I cannot see how any relationship with another human being can be repaired until we fix the vertical relationship with our heavenly Father. Confession comes first, and then we humbly go ask forgiveness from the party we injured.

As a Christian practitioner, I feel confession is a vital part of the EFT process. We need to keep our priorities in the correct order, so that our heavenly Father will toss our sins as far as the east is from the west, as He remembers them no more. If He remembers them “no more”, then why should we continue to carry around the emotional consequences of those sins, beating ourselves up day after day? I don’t believe that to be the best description of an abundant life (“I have come that they might have life and have it to the full” John 10:10b).  God can heal us spiritually & emotionally through EFT, if we avail ourselves of this wonderful gift.  We just need to ask Him.

For more information, go to  www.eftforchristians.com

To schedule a free EFT consultation coaching session, email me at eftforchristians@gmail.com

Always remember to take complete responsibility for your own health and well-being.

Marriage & EFT

Marriage is that psychosocial arrangement we all enter into with happiness and bliss, isn’t it? Normally, it all works great until we learn way too much about our spouse; leaving us with feelings of what in the world did I get myself into. I suspect there are few people in a married or committed relationships that don’t at one time or another wonder what happened to make it all go so very wrong. Well, I’m here to tell you from first-hand experience there is hope! I’m going to make this story very personal, with permission from my husband Brad. I opened up, making myself a bit vulnerable, while in NYC helping with EFTU Level 1 and 2 classes. I’m going to do the same here.

Both Brad & I came from nasty childhoods, dealing with episodes and incidences no child should have to ever endure. It was this early abuse that actually brought us together. I know, for me, I figured it would draw us together, as we both would surely instinctively understand where the other had come from. This was all pre-EFT and I have since seen and well understood how very wrong we both were!

As the years progressed, the relationship became more embattled. I now see what exactly went on. I married a man just like my parents. Oh, he didn’t resemble anything they actually did, nor were the external behaviors even remotely similar, but his style of dealing with life’s ups and downs surely was. Denial was his best defense. If one ignores it all, it all will go away. No matter how many ways I explained to him what I needed in the relationship, nothing changed. And then I caught myself nitpicking just like Mom did to me. Nothing Brad did was good enough. The downhill slide had begun in earnest. We raised his two sons from a first marriage in our house. The boys’ mother was still involved. The tension from that was on. Then about ten years ago Brad was laid off from his engineering job permanently; the company closed. Now, we had 24/7 together.

The problems really started. It was too much time spent in each other’s company. I had plenty to nitpick about now. It wasn’t too long until we were literally fighting every day. It soon led to nothing but fighting. I, as a RN, had no idea how to stop it. I was a depressed, embittered, angry, crying, lashing out woman. My Dad’s words of, “No man will ever put up with you for long,” rang hourly in my ears. I was going to lose my marriage and Dad would be right. What was I going to do? I’m sure Brad felt the same way. Were two women going to walk out on him? At the Eleventh Hour, God provided. Emotional Freedom Techniques walked into our lives! I hired, without Brad’s permission, an EFT practitioner to work through his hatred for his parents. He never believed me when I told him he hated his parents; he does believe me now. Hatred eats us up. It burns holes in everything and everyone around us. It supersedes and melts any love that existed. Nothing survives in its wake. It’s impossible.

I hired my own EFT coach, too. I took EFTU’s Level 1 and 2 classes. What I want now to tell all of you readers is this: Please don’t give up on your marriage. Divorce costs big money, discounting the emotional pain involved, too. My best advice to you based on personal experience. Convince your spouse to take EFTU Levels 1 and 2 classes together.

Seriously, work on your own issues. Your spouse is not the problem. The problem is you. You aren’t a bad person! Your background and cognitive childhood learning has led you to the specific person who triggers you. You have attracted what you know. But there is hope! Work through all those childhood personal issues.

Free yourself to be the person you know you can be and in that process watch your marriage heal. It can work unilaterally, but it works even better when both of you are willing to use EFT on your own stuff!

 Today, I stand amazed to say our marriage is mostly healed. Yes, it worked that well. It’s taken a few years of a lot of tapping on both our parts, but we are stronger and healthier than I ever imagined. My Dad is NOT going to be right this time around! Oh, we have our moments. For heaven’s sake, we are still married! Now, we stop and tap before either of us says something stupid that we will regret later. It usually tends to be one of us starts tapping right in front of the other. We’ve made a commitment not to get angry about that, but to take it as an act of love for the other. And, it is. Hurtful things don’t tend to come out of the mouth of someone tapping. We then both go to our respective tapping places in the house, tap away what is going on INSIDE each of us, not the other person, and come back sometimes to talk about it, but many times all the tension simply dissolves, and we go on our merry way finishing up the day’s activities.

These fights and arguments have nothing to do with us. Really, you might ask. The triggering mechanisms behind them are all those perceptions and ideas we picked up from our parents, grandparents, neighbors, aunts and uncles. Those run our lives and our marriages. Tap them away; save your marriage. Give your children the greatest gift on earth – parents who love each and act like they do! About $1500 for EFTU classes with a certified trained instructor is cheaper than any attorney on planet Earth, or marriage counselor, for that matter. Oh, we tried all the conventional marriage counselor routes with no improvement in our relationship.

I highly recommend trying EFT. Go the EFTU “EFT Training” page and sign up for classes today and watch your marriage heal before your eyes. Hire a certified EFTU practitioner, if your issues are difficult or heavy. You can find them under “EFT Resources” tab. You’ll be surprised how well EFT works. I know Brad and I were!

 For more information, go to www.eftforchristians.com To schedule a free EFT consultation coaching session, email me at eftforchristians@gmail.com

Always remember to take complete responsibility for your own health and well-being.

Sherrrie Rice Smith, R.N. (Retired)
EFTforChristians.com
Author of EFT for Christians

EFT and Magic Words

Often I’m asked by clients when I instruct them to tap for themselves at home about “what words do I use”? I’m hoping to settle this question here and now for you readers. While all these tapping protocols and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Youtube videos out there on the internet are nice, as they give a wonderful visual of how EFT is done, I’m not convinced they do a completely healthy service to the EFT world. Now, I can’t complain too loudly, or I will look like a hypocrite here because I, too, have Youtube videos available on the web. However, my concern is that many times the video producing practitioners goes on and on with fancy words and different phrases on each tapping point. It looks complicated and involved to the novice tapper. EFT isn’t that complicated. It really isn’t, nor does it need to be fancy to get excellent results. EFT works at the cellular level to eliminate negative emotions. Words aren’t the key here. Feeling the negative emotion is. That’s why it is called Emotional Freedom Techniques! Few practitioners use the setup phrases anymore. And I agree with them, if the client is really feeling whatever emotion is causing their problem. If a SUDS (subjective units of distress, emotional pain scale) is over a 3 or 4 on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain and 10 being terrible, there is no need to do a setup, as the client is already in the emotional moment. Just begin tapping the points. A setup is needed if the client has an issue but isn’t feeling the issue. That is when they possibly could be reversed and they need the setup phrases done at the karate chop point. My point here is that EFT doesn’t need words to work. All that is needed is to tune into the emotion and really feel it. Magnify it. Intensify it. Just get into it, and then tap it away. Words are useful for the practitioner to understand where a client stands in the process. Sometimes clarification is necessary. Words are useful for that. Other times, like I do, my intuition, which is really the Holy Spirit, kicks in & I will say something I extrapolated from what the client says. Often the client will acknowledge that my words are exactly what they are thinking or feeling. It gets them back into feeling whatever emotion there were feeling. I want to keep them in that emotional moment to get all the bodymind clearing I can get for them. Intensifying the emotions tends to get a more thorough clearing for the client. It’s the vibration of the tapping that knocks the emotion loose, not the words. So, for all you novice tappers out there don’t get all hung up on the right words. Those words really don’t matter. Start tapping, tune into whatever it is you are feeling, intensify the feelings, if you can, and persevere until you completely clear out the problem. If you can make yourself cry about the problem, all the better, as crying is a sure fire sign you know exactly what you are feeling. Cry and tap. I’m pretty sure you will feel a whole lot better when you are done than you would if you simply sat down & had a good old fashioned cry without the tapping. Tapping extracts the emotion, neutralizing it, and it tends to do that on a permanent basis. Crying is only a temporary relief. Personally, I go for anything that improves my emotional lot long term. So, happy crying and happy tapping! Your subconscious thanks you for the relief, as does all your clogged up cells, all 100 trillion of them! For more information, go to www.eftforchristians.com To schedule a free EFT coaching session, email me at eftforchristians@gmail.com Always remember to take complete responsibility for your own health and well-being.