My friend and colleague Wendy Williams wrote this fictional story to illustrate how perceptions impact our memory, and how we use them in EFT vs. "Therapy". Printed here with permission.
Enjoy!
"I too can speak to the differences. By therapy, you are reviewing the
event/hurt as you experienced it or recalled it. For the sake of this
conversation, let's say my sister beat me up (broke my nose and my spirit) when
I was 9 and she was 11. I have never felt close to her since and before that, we
were tight. I felt victimized and felt it put a dent in all the family events/
gatherings moving forward. It was a real loss and now, as an adult, I still feel
the sting and wish it hadn't happened and still view her as a bully. My stomach
gets in knots and my defenses are up whenever I am around her. I feel that my
sense of family was damaged/ruined from age 9 on and she is to blame.
This is my "story"... this is how I recall it and it's lasting impact is as
I describe and I am sticking to it.
Therapy: Review the event and ask me to review how I felt then and how I
feel now and review how to live now... ignore her? Pray for our relationship?
Stay away from painful family events? Confront her? Exact apology? Take
antidepressants? Take anti anxiety agents? Side with me on "of course you are
hurt/damaged.... you were beaten up!"
My sister: Her "story" is bound to be different.... I provoked her? I took
her favorite doll/toy/snack ONE TOO MANY TIMES! and she had to lash out! She
pushed me hard and I fell against the coffee table and that was what broke my
nose. She NEVER touched my face/nose with her fist. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! And, she
has felt terrible and regretful ever since, but I never accepted her apology, no
matter how many times she offered it when she was 11, 12 etc. She finally gave
up after a couple of years and assumed the "black sheep" role I assigned her.
She never sought that role, but, there it is.
My Mom: Those two girls were each other's best friend... I HATE that they
came to such an end. I was horrified to see little wendy with that bloody
nose... so bent! So many tears... so much blood. I never expected the older one
to do that! Punch Wendy? Really?? But, the evidence was there.... a broken nose.
I tried and tried to get them to resume their sweet relationship, but after my
husband left around that time, I got distracted. In my mind, both of them are
good girls and I wish things had turned out differently, but I guess the older
one turned ugly with her father leaving us. Ah me...
WHICH OF THESE IS "TRUE"? WHICH IS THE STORY AS IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED?
Unknowable... Yet, each person here is telling their TRUTH, right?
EFT: The story is IRRELEVANT because all of our memories and experiences
come through our very subjective filter... there is now way to "know" what
really happened unless you filmed it and even then, the ways of the hearts
involved?? No one knows.
SO, EFT goes for the neurological charge that is associated with how Wendy recalls it... through stating and tapping how I recall it and sense it. By doing this, the "charge" is re-routed and turned down. The cortisol charge around it is recalibrated and reduced such that further recollection leaves me with hardly any "charge" anymore. It doesn't "hurt" the way it did. I still can recall the event as I experienced it... the memory is not gone... it just doesn't flare up.
This can take a very short amount of time.... I cannot say "how long" but,
since it is not about review and recall and rehearse, rather it is about repair
of the charge."
The memory shift happens quickly with EFT. Once the charge Wendy discusses above is gone, the memory becomes, for all intents and purposes, irrelevant. Wendy usually forgives her sister because the accident "just happened" and relationships often get repaired and rebuilt. This is called memory reconsolidation. God is so good!
Consider trying EFT for yourself! You will be pleasantly surprised!
To God be all the glory! Amen.
EFT is never a substitute for medical care. Call your personal physician should you need medical attention. Please take responsibility for all of your own emotional and physical health. God bless you!
Sherrie Rice Smith, R.N. (Retired)
Certified EFT Practitioner
Author of EFT for Christians (2015)
EFTUniverse Instructor/Trainer
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