When I go into a group of hurting women like those in some
support group where their spouses have died, or the spouse has abandoned them
for another woman, I hear that same mantra repeatedly, “I want God to heal me through
and through. I’m so done with feeling hurt.”
As the group moderator continues to lead them week after
week through EFT clearing, it is interesting to watch the varied reactions.
Some women open up quickly, easily, baring their souls to one another; others
are more reticent, holding back, waiting for the just the right time to let
loose of their own personal story.
All of that is good. People heal at a different pace, and
even if a woman isn’t saying a word, but continues to tap with her fellow group
members, there is a good chance God is healing her, too, in a more subtle way.
That way is called “Borrowed Benefits.”
Decades ago, EFT founder Gary Craig, realized something
“energetic” was happening underneath the surface of the group to whom he was
speaking when he had a client up on stage, tapping with her/him.
Finally, Mr. Craig decided to run a small experiment of
sorts. I won’t get this story’s details exactly right, and there are many
variations of it out on the internet, but he had the entire audience write down
on a piece of paper at the beginning of the conference all the issues that were
bothering them right then and there. Mr.
Craig then told the attendees to put the paper away for the duration of the
seminar.
On the last day of the conference he asked for another
volunteer to come up on stage for a tapping demonstration to be done by him.
Apparently no one raised their hand. At last, he asked the group to take out
that paper on which they all had written the list that bothered them and take a
look at it. It was right then that Mr. Craig realized the reason no one
volunteered. He immediately saw that most of the issues written on those
hundreds of slips of paper had been resolved while each attendee tapped along
with the client up on the stage. That amazing occurrence was dubbed “Borrowed
Benefits,” and we see it routinely in every single group or classroom where
tapping goes on.
There is a physiological reason why it happens, but I don’t
believe that was discovered until long after Mr. Craig figured out the concept.
God put in us something called, “Mirror Neurons.” These
neurons are a particular type of brain cell that fires when we see an action
performed. To a certain extent it is imitation. We sneeze; someone else in the
room sneezes. We grab our glass to drink; another person does the same. It
might even account for why a 2 year old wants his friend’s truck to play with
right now, or the concept of a mob getting out of control during a sporting
event. We learn by watching others, but more importantly we heal by doing the
same thing.
It appears mirror neurons give us the ability to empathize
with others and they give us the ability to interpret facial expression in
others – we intrinsically understand what a frown means, or was that
understanding learned from another, but interpreted by our mirror neurons? This
reaction seems to be automatic, not something we put any thought into.
Two locations in the brain where these neurons have been
observed are the premotor cortex and the inferior parietal cortex. There are theories that these mirror
neurons help with bonding between people, and that the mirroring intensifies
over time.
Let’s get back to the gals in the room talking, and hopefully
tapping, about their problems.
I often challenge
people around me to think about taking Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or
tapping) a step further.
Maybe this article will motivate you to consider doing this,
too.
All of us, me included, love to whine and complain about all
of the awful things other people have done to us over the years. So and so did
this and so and so did that to me, and “it ruined my life.” I hear it all the time.
As we tap, God neutralizes the emotional impact of whatever awful
things have happened in our lives, and forgiveness begins to set in, resulting
in peace within our soul. I want to toss out a challenge.
What happens if we turn the table and ask God to point out to
us where we went wrong – where we ourselves hurt someone else, inadvertently or
intentionally?
That suggestion often sends the roomful of women into a buzz
of conversation. “What? I was the victim. What are you talking about?” as they
look incredulously at each other.
“I’m serious,” I reply, “Who in this room has the guts to ask
God what they specifically did wrong to hurt someone in their life.”
This idea takes some intense thought and rumination. It is
self-incriminating. This is where the meat hits the bones of Christian
confession and repentance.
Can you ask God that question?
Frankly, it took me a very long time to do it. I cannot ask
you to do so without me first trying it, can I?
I didn’t like at all what I heard from God. I’m not going to
list all the sins I have committed in the past that hurt others here, but I
will tell you it was an illuminating conversation with God.
Should you truly want to heal from top to bottom and from
inside to the outside, try asking God that particular question.
My guess is He will require of you what He required of me. I
had stuff to repent of, and it is the best thing that ever happened to me short
of learning how to tap!
It cleared my soul and spirit. It repaired my relationship
with my Savior. To date, God has not required me to go to any of the people He
told me I hurt and ask their forgiveness. Sometimes God requires that, and if
He does of you, please go do it.
Often we know in our hearts our intentions toward someone
were wrong, but that person never picked up on it as you meant it. God often
doesn’t require us to ask forgiveness for those things because it would mean we
would probably hurt the person in the explaining what we did and what we meant
to do. We would cause more pain in the apologizing and asking for forgiveness. It’s
our own guilt He wants us to deal with.
So, back to my original question: How much healing guts do
you actually have? Are you willing to go that extra mile with God, and allow
Him to show you where you went relationally wrong? Instead of us always
complaining what others did to us, are we open enough to be told and to
understand what our behaviors and words mean to others?
Only you and God can figure this one out. I simply offer it
as a suggestion as an advanced technique you can use for further clearing with
EFT.
God bless your tapping!
Sherrie Rice Smith, R.N. (Retired)
Certified EFT Practitioner
