Can I even explain what happened yesterday when I did my own personal tapping with Irene Baum, EFT-INT? I’m surely going to give it my best shot. This is the metaphysical, ethereal, woo-woo part of EFT, but it all works!
As I continue to finish clearing those last fragments of my childhood abuse, I’m down to the hard-core, deeply embedded, dark, hidden stuff. This takes work to root it all out, not necessarily hard work, just mindful concentration, understanding exactly what I’m feeling where. I often wonder how many people go to this depth to do what I am doing. This process has taken me 27 months to accomplish. Life had been so disastrous emotionally for me that now I want every single vestige of it all gone! Is that possible? Well, EFT & Scripture teach everything is possible. I’m out to prove that theory!
I phoned Irene for an extra session, as I now know the symptoms of another “big one” coming, an emotion begging to be released from my psyche. This takes some intense mindfulness to see/understand the subtle changes in my behavior. Because I have moved so much emotional stuff, I have found myself now in a creative space, something I have never known before. Prior to this, I was simply trying to survive emotionally, keeping my nose above the overwhelm line so I didn’t drown in the negative memories. In fact, I used to tell people I had no creative ability. I was a kid of science. That is no longer true. I’m both now.
When stuff is percolating underneath the surface, begging to be freed, I find I cannot write, I cannot read, nor can I think. I manage to do some emails, play a few games on my iPod, take a walk, maybe go to the gym in some half-hearted manner, but that is it. I waste my life! I’m back to existing. I pretty much dislike all TV, so that isn’t an option either, as it is for many people.
I don’t choose to waste time, so, Irene, let’s go!
The body sensation this time was totally different than I had ever experienced. I felt a deep-seated, left sided, interior chest pain. Oh, I have chest pain all the time while tapping, but this moved location on me. It had to do with deception. “EFT will never work for my weight, even though it works for every other person in the universe” was my premise. I knew this deception thing went way back. I always think I have life or events figured out and somebody pulls the rug out from under me. Always. I feel like a fool, like everyone does this to me on purpose, just to laugh at me. This was my parents’ operating MO, or that is how I perceived it to be.
We tapped a bit to release the deception, and Irene did something different (she is always coming up with different!). She put me in her chair, facing “my” chair, telling me to have my Mom sit there. Oh, ok. Now, Irene tells me, tune into my chest and tell her what in the world this new & different chest pain was all about. That’s when I noticed the big, black bowling ball! No, bigger than a bowling ball, and it was tied to my heart with 6 big, thick, oily, old, smelly (I could almost smell the oil) hawsers from the Newport, R.I. whaling ship days. No wonder my chest hurt carrying that around. The ball was full of hate and deception. Irene asked if I wanted to give it back to Mom. Well, not really, it would kill her. It’s too much and too heavy for an old lady. “So, you have been carrying this around for your Mom all these years?” Irene asked. Yes, it was my job, I guess, it was her that stuff she gave me.
We went through all the questions. Do I want to be rid of it? How could we cut those hawsers? Where should we dispose of it? Who would I be without it, etc. etc?
I couldn’t think of anyone I would want to carry this black ball around for me, so my conclusion was, and this took a bit of tapping to figure out, have my now dead baby brother, Bill, cut the ropes and haul it away somewhere to be hidden where no one else would ever find it. It was too ugly and painful. I wanted no one else to ever carry it.
Billy showed up. He agreed to help, but what added comedy to this was he whips out a great big machete. Ok, goofy boy, don’t get carried away here and chop me to pieces with your silliness, I told him, find another 6” knife that will do the job without hacking everything up! He always was the comedian of the family. Guess he’s not changed much in death!
For all of you newly introduced to EFT, who is wondering what in the world am I talking about, here are what is going on. This is the mechanism that the subconscious can use to clear the deep-seated life altering, life running beliefs that are buried somewhere within the soul in order for us to truly get healthy. Am I really seeing my brother Bill? No, but in my mind’s eye he was standing to my right, just waiting for me to tell him what to do. I know he was there. I could FEEL him standing there. As you learn to tap deeper and deeper into your stuff, you, too, will experience similar things to what I am describing. Remember, according to Dr. Bruce Lipton, your subconscious takes in 40 million bits of information per second, but your conscious mind only processes 40 bits of it. Where does the rest go – all 39,999, 960 bits? It’s all stored in your subconscious. That great big computer databank of a mind you have socks it away for you, sometimes protecting you from the negative memories, sometimes just placidly storing it all. What this means to you is every single thing that has ever happened to you, good, bad, or indifferent, is all stored in your bodymind, which consists of all your organs, muscles, skin, and connective tissue. Somewhere within your physical self, every negative memory is locked in there somewhere. Good memories aren’t the problem, but the negative ones surely are. They will probably eventually trigger some disease. They all need to go, wherever negative memories go in the cosmos. And this is exactly what I was doing this session, digging deep into my subconscious by tapping, dropping myself into alpha and theta brain wave states, so I could access where this deceptive black bowling ball of junk was stored. It was time to release it. I needed help doing it. Billy was willing.
The process took a while, as my session lasted 90 minutes with Irene. I won’t go into all the tapping, but one by one I felt it was now ok for Billy to cut the hawsers. I even told him which ones to cut first, knowing that if he cut 1, 3, 5, and then one more, the black bowling ball would be cut loose. I instructed him; remember I’m still the bossy big sister, to hang onto the ball as he cut the last hawser because I didn’t want the damn thing dropping on my foot! He’s a good boy, listening well, doing what I asked him to do. I then told him to take the ball out somewhere in space and hide it forever where it would never be found by another person ever again. It was too heavy, too ugly, and too destructive for anyone to encounter in the future. I watched in my mind’s eye as he turned, and eventually walked out of sight, carrying my black emotion-packed bowling ball of deception away!
I looked at the clock. My session was scheduled to end at high noon. It was exactly, on the dot, 12 noon. I’m always a bit amazed, as a practitioner, how a session begins and ends many times within the parameters of the time set for it to do so. That subconscious of ours is so very intelligent.
As crazy as that session was, what happened afterwards was even crazier. I sat there in Irene’s chair, trying to get my bearings. I was physically exhausted. That is not unusual; our sessions are so intense I usually am just plain pooped. What was unusual was as I looked at the chair where Mom was “sitting”, witnessing this entire 90 minutes of tapping, I, for the first time in my life, felt a twinge of forgiveness for her. I’ve always wondered what forgiveness would feel like. I had no idea. No one could tell me. I’d know it when I felt it was all people would say. Well, I just felt it! It was amazing. Oh, I’ve forgiven Mom a thousand times in my life. I knew I had to. As a Christian, I’m commanded to do so; as a human I knew I had to forgive her, or the poison of it would kill me. What’s the saying – un-forgiveness is you drinking the poison yourself, hoping it will kill the other person? I knew eventually, if I said the words of forgiveness, I had to feel it. What a surprise this was! It happened for the first time. What a freeing feeling!
As the forgiveness flooded me, albeit briefly, I said the words out loud to Mom – “Mom, I forgive you. I know you did the best you could with what you had to offer. I understand that. It’s ok”.
When I got home later, after a 30 minute drive, I was really exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I eventually just sat down to rest a bit. It was then that I realized that everything in my body hurt, particularly the base of my neck, my mid-back, and my knees. Well, how appropriate! What parts of the body would hurt when carrying an exceptionally uncomfortable load for a very long period of time? Yes, neck, back, and knees.
The thought came to me. I wonder how releasing those decades long held load would impact my posture. I have tapped on my posture, and all the incidents around it that came to mind, but nothing has changed. Time will tell on that.
Later the exhaustion lifted as I consumed multiple glasses of water. By bedtime, I realized my heart had changed. Instead of its usual hard compacted consistency, and I used to consider myself “hard-hearted”, it now appeared to have a spongy or latticed look to it like maybe it could soak up or allow something good to grow on it! What an interesting metaphysical heart picture. But even more throughout the night I experienced some zinging in different parts of my body, particularly my legs. About a year ago, this electrical-like shooting sensation started after another intense tapping session with Irene. My first nursing impression was, “Oh, I’m having a stroke”. I didn’t have a stroke, nor do I plan to ever have a stroke, but I have since encountered the same sensations on multiple occasions. I know what these are now. It is the meridians clearing, or, as I like to explain it, batches of related cellular receptors all clearing at once. Parts of me are coming back to full life after years of being numb and near lifeless.
As Irene tells me I’ve landed in a “new land”. I’m in transformational new territory. And I felt as if I would simply float off, like an astronaut would out in space if his tether was cut to the space shuttle, so Irene & I had to come up with something to “ground” me once Billy cut the last hawser. All I could think of was something of stone. That was too permanent. She hinted around awhile with some ideas until it struck me to use a pair of retractable, collapsible kids’ bike training wheels! I attached them to my feet, Billy cut the last hawser, and I am now free, roaming around like an explorer, excitedly, in a new place.
New territory, new life, a transformation experience has just happened to me. I know I’m not quite down yet with my emotional junk, but that’s ok, I will enjoy this new chunk of life, knowing it continues to bring me longer and longer periods of peace between the “big ones”. I just have to persevere through all these memories and emotions to get to the land of never ending peace and joy that God has for me. I’m actually beginning to think it is possible.
So, I will see you around the block, me and my metaphysical training wheels, as I explore this exciting life of freedom EFT has given me, something I have dreamed of and cried for over decades of my life. It’s coming into existence! Thank you, God, for giving me EFT!
For more information, go to http://eftforchristians.com .
To schedule a free EFT coaching session, email me at eftforchristians@gmail.com
Always remember to take complete responsibility for your own health and well-being.
